Forget a new horoscope sign, I’m revamping the entire Chinese zodiac to feature cars.
Rat: Year of the Suzuki Swift
Ox: Year of the Land Rover
Tiger: Year of the GT-R
Rabbit: Year of the Daihatsu Copen
Dragon: Year of the Lamborghini
Snake: Year of the Mitsuoka Orochi
Horse: Year of the Ferrari
Goat: Year of the Honda Odyssey
Rooster: Year of the Ford Escort
Monkey: Year of the Toyota Altis
Dog: Year of the Honda Civic
Pig: Year of the Mercedes
1. Check the fridge and the cupboards which you have not opened in 2 weeks, to see what you need to buy.
2. Do not purchase more items than would fit in a supermarket shopping basket, unless you have someone else to carry items for you.
3. Remember that bread and bananas are very perishable, so unless you intend to be eating Nutella banana sandwiches every day for 4 days, buy less.
4. Go ahead and buy the family-size box of breakfast cereal. It signals your belief in the most important meal of the day, never mind that it has a cartoon bear on the box.
5. No one is going to judge you for the 2 pints of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream. It’s on promotion!
6. And no one is going to judge you for the box of Choco Pies.
7. Because you bought a bag of fruit, so that mitigates the effect of all that chocolate.
8. And you picked multigrain chips instead of Ruffles, so you can pretend it’s healthier.
9. The only meat in your freezer should be pre-cut, pre-seasoned and pre-breaded so all you have to do is to throw it into the microwave oven.
10. Remember to buy non-food consumables such as toilet paper and detergent!
11. Such inedible items are easy to forget when you go grocery shopping on an empty stomach.
12. Bring your reusable bags, because plastic bags are hell on the fingers.
Sunday morning as I’m heading out to work, I see this parked by the roadside near the kopitiam.
I was rendered speechless by the sight of such a fine specimen, right here in my neighbourhood. I’m not a car enthusiast. I’m just a car pervert. There are only 2 things that matter to me when it comes to cars, and these are colour and design. Engine capacity, top speed, wheelbase, yadda-yadda… not my thing. I’m purely visual. And this was as close to perfection as I’ve ever been.
Glossy, red, and just sitting right there. And I didn’t take a picture then. But later as I was at the bus stop, it showed up at the Shell station for a refuel. When lightning strikes twice, you’d better take it as a sign. So here it is. The picture doesn’t do it justice. It doesn’t adequately capture the awe I felt, standing face-to-face in front of something as beautiful as this. It’s like meeting a celebrity at the kopitiam.
And it’s really just the aesthetics, not power, not cost, not prestige. I don’t really like Lamborghinis all that much – the shape doesn’t appeal to me, even if it is more aerodynamic or whatever (that comes under yadda-yadda anyway). Pure unmitigated car perving. Great way to start the week.
Today I boarded my usual 985 to work and I managed to get a seat on the left side of the bus, which is good so the sun won’t be able to get me with its horrible hot rays. “Stay on the shady side,” I told myself. Then I started to hum “Always stay on the shady side of things”… by the time I got to the whistling part, I realised what I had inadvertently said to myself.
1. The Fellowship of the Five Golden Rings
2. The Two Turtle Towers
3. The Return of the 3 Kings
4. The Still-Carolling-On
*spoiler alert* Spoilers for Avatar 3D ahead!
Ha, seriously, what COULD a sci-fi film teach me about cooking? Food isn’t even a big deal in the movie – the only time you ever really see food is when Jake is hurriedly scarfing down scrambled eggs. ‘Julie and Julia’ this ain’t.
So it doesn’t actually tell you HOW to cook food, but it sure gave me a new perspective on food preparation. Or rather, why I should seriously bone up on my cooking chops, because “all energy is borrowed”.
Things die so that you can live. This is true not only of meat, but also of vegetables, fruit and grains. Of course, you can eat fruit without killing the tree, but you can also eat eggs without killing the chicken. Same thing. If you eat rice, the rice plant doesn’t regrow. You eat a carrot, the carrot doesn’t regrow. To me, plants and animals are just different forms of the same thing – energy. We borrow energy from the earth to feed ourselves, and when we die, we return this energy to the earth. That’s what I interpret the Na’vi standpoint to be, anyway. Caveat: this doesn’t mean I gotta eat everything on this earth. I reserve the right not to eat humans, pet animals, certain yucky plants, etc.
So what’s this got to do with food? Just that I should really be a competent cook, so as to do justice to the plants and animals that died so that I may eat. I also don’t like wasting food, because it’s tantamount to throwing away the sacrifice of the living thing that produced what is on your plate. Just as Jakesully gave thanks to the deer for its sacrifice to feed his people, so should we give thanks to whatever animal or plant ended up on our plate. But of course I don’t think they have any spirits going off to live in whatever sacred tree.
It just boils down to one word: Respect for your food. And being a bad cook is really just disrespectful, because it perverts what should have been tasty into something that is not. Imagine if you were a chicken and you died to make chicken curry, but it was a really horrible curry. Wouldn’t you be pissed to see that your sacrifice amounted to this?
I’m taking “food worship” to a whole new level.
The shit hath hitteth the fan! As news of Keigo’s scandal breaks, none of the record companies want to sign him. Kaoru confronts him in his apartment, but he’s nonchalant about it. If his image is tarnished, he’ll just go somewhere where no one knows who he is. “What, will you go to the ends of the world?” Kaoru demands, which makes sense seeing that he IS rather famous. “Yup,” he replies with a mirthless smirk. And fade away on the image of the globe spinning around.
Masaki passes by a video game arcade, and sees her brother inside. He’s being shoved around by some boys, who extort money from him in return for keeping quiet about his sister. Of course the silly boy pays up. Bullying and extortion in Japanese schools was quite a big issue some years back. She goes in to get him, but Satoru only says in his funny prepubescent voice, “I hate you!”
When she gets home, her father yells at her for shaming the family with her admission. Apparently Satoru is now refusing to go to school, since he is embarrassed. Okaa-san tries to be a buffer, but Masaki just tearfully apologises to her parents and heads upstairs, while her father maintains his obstinate expression.
Keigo and his lovely t-shirt-and-shirt combo have been cut adrift by the record company, and his agent is delivering the bad news. No matter, he’ll go abroad! Kaoru turns around in shock. “I’ll start from scratch in America,” Keigo reassures them. Up on the rooftop, Kaoru ingratiatingly lights Keigo’s cigarette for him, then declares that “you go, I go too!” Yeah, whatever, go away. “I want to go alone,” Keigo hints. “You and your ego,” she shoots back. Er no, maybe he just can’t stand you. So she takes the guilt-trip approach. He’s insensitive, he never considers other people’s feelings, and that’s how he killed her sister, by being too absorbed in his music. “You’re right,” he concurs. “Aren’t you glad I’m out of your life?” Hahaha! Can’t win with this guy la.
Oh noes, mysterious music is playing! Masaki stops at a newsstand and sees her supposed “tell-all” about her “passionate night” with Keigo! Okaa-san has a consultation with Masaki’s doctor about the side effects of her medicines. As she’s returning home, her former lover is waiting for her. Persistency pays off, but not for this guy as Okaa-san tells him to go away, she’s busy with her HIV-positive daughter.
Masaki enters the lobby of some posh building, and it’s showdown time as Kaoru’s eyes gleam fiercely as she sees her. Kaoru rushes down the stairs and none too gently grabs Masaki’s arm, while telling her to come along. Then the recriminations start. “Because of you, Keigo’s career is in ruins! No one in Japan wants to hire him!” Yeah, and his rubbish work ethic didn’t come into play at all. The guilt-tripping works better on naïve young Masaki, who goes outside to sit on a curb and cry.
Keigo is packing up his stuff, which includes a small cactus. His lackey comes in to tell him that they’re rehearsing for a concert, then leaves. Keigo’s cellphone rings. “It’s me. That girl just came to the office.” Poot, it’s Kaoru. “I sent your No. 1 fan away even though she wanted to apologise. Did I do good?” Add some eager tail-wagging, and you couldn’t have a better lap dog. Keigo gives her a pat on the head, but he looks slightly perturbed.
Back home, Masaki eats more delicious candies from her Sanrio pillbox. Her mother offers her 1 yen for her thoughts, and Masaki unloads all her guilt over causing so much trouble for everyone, including the person she loves! “It’s great you have someone to love,” Okaa-san says. Meanwhile Oto-san is standing at the door, listening to all this. “Cherish the love you have,” is Okaa-san’s final advice. In this scene, it’s amazing how fair Okaa-san is, compared to her daughter who seems 3 shades more tan.
Oto-san took himself off to a bar and stayed there until the lady boss tells him it’s closing time. Next scene, he barges into his room and throws his briefcase on one of two twin beds. Wild, they have separate beds! He packs his stuff and tells his alarmed wife, “You’re in love with another man while your daughter is ill. You don’t need a father in name only!” and leaves, and it falls to Satoru to point out the obvious: it’s Masaki’s fault. Again.
Our whipping girl trudges into her bedroom and looks up at the giant poster of Keigo. She picks up her cellphone to call him, but Kaoru’s recriminating voice stops her, and she plops down onto her bed instead.
Keigo is still packing, and someone should tell him it’s not a good idea to have a lit cigarette when you’re packing lots of paper. He sees two small pieces of paper with girly writing on it. Reading Masaki’s “thank you for last night” letter cues a flashback montage where we see Masaki at her best. Then Keigo folds up the letter and chucks it onto his desk.
Masaki invades the office of the record company and tries to convince an executive that Keigo’s contract is worth renewing, and he still has a loyal fan base. Of course he’s not listening to her, but then she collapses!
Cut to Keigo in a rehearsal studio. As he’s praising them for a good job, his lackey enters and informs him that the record company called. They *whisper whisper whisper* and Keigo’s eyes go wide. “Collapsed?” and he zips out of the scene so fast, the camera can only capture a blur. A jealous Kaoru wants to know where he’s going, but of course she already knows. She’s just upset. Her hands on his convertible door are no deterrent, as he just guns the engine and leaves her to eat dust. Which, as you’d know from Little Britain, is a lovely no-calorie alternative to actual food.
Hibino enters Masaki’s bedroom, and she says she’s fine. It was the medication that gave her a funny turn, but this was already foreshadowed in Okaa-san’s meeting with the doctor. Meanwhile, she’s been spending time writing request cards for Keigo’s song to radio stations. Even if it’s useless, she wants to do something for him! Hibino now has the classic face of a man who has realised he’s on the ‘friend’ ladder, and he’s stuck there.
Downstairs, Okaa-san has prepared a dinner that’s slowly going cold, because her husband ain’t back. Said husband has taken himself off to some motel, where he’s being a slob and downing beer. Our heroine has fallen asleep writing cards, and there is a polite “ping-pong” of the doorbell. One of my Japanese language tutors told us that Japanese doorbells don’t go “ding-dong”. Okaa-san opens the door to reveal Keigo,who actually took the trouble to slick down his hair. Okaa-san is starstruck!
Keigo tells Hibino not to wake Masaki, but he sees the cards strewn all over anyway. Hibino explains that she’s sick from the side effects of the medication, but she still did all this. All I know is, he’s a lousy friend for not waking her! A dose of Keigo is much more effective than sleep!
“Do you love her?” Keigo asks Hibino. “Er, she’s stupid but she tries hard,” he replies. Keigo totally misunderstands, and leaves a ticket for Kaoru’s concert on Masaki’s desk. As he reaches his car, a voice calls his name. Okaa-san had more sense than Hibino, and woke Masaki up so she could chase after him. She thanks him for the ticket, and he informs her that it will be his last concert in Japan.
“Are you going on a world tour?” asks the ever-optimistic Masaki. He drops the bomb. “Good luck, I’ll be cheering you on from Japan,” she mumbles. Then Keigo decides to be an rear-end and snaps, “I don’t need it,” and gets into his car.
The bad karma from being a rear-end finally gets to Keigo as he’s shown having a sleepless night, despite the satin sheets. Masaki is crying. Bla bla bla.
A cargo lift opens to show Keigo, looking uncannily like one of Takeshi’s other roles, The Returner. He goes into the rehearsal studio, which is in disarray. Oh poot. Keigo’s agent explains that the sponsors pulled out of the concert because of the scandal, so it’s been cancelled.
It’s daytime again and Keigo wanders to where his posters were put up. One of them is ripped in half, symbolising his shattered career. He goes to sit on a park bench, where he sees a schoolgirl feeding the birds. He perks up until she turns around. Erk. SO not Masaki. He goes to a ramen-ten and picks at the meat slices, remembering the time he ate here with Masaki. He goes back to the concert venue and stands on the stage, remembering the last time he stood there as 10,000 teenage girls chanted his name. He sits down at the grand piano and starts to play, when a very real “Keigo!” breaks his reverie.
There is a long banner, reading “I love Keigo” in a dozen different typefaces, hung on the top row of the seats. Then *poink!* a flag pops up and starts waving, followed by Masaki. Keigo sits there emotionlessly. “It took me a week to make this,” she informs him. “Are you going to make fun of me? Go ahead.” She’s a relentless battering ram, chipping away at the walls he put up around himself. “I can’t stop loving you!” she tearfully informs him.
Keigo slams the keyboard, resulting in a discordant chord. Looks like he’s going the rear-end route, as he tells her she’s a pest, a pest that has cost him his job, his reputation, and his life in Japan. “Love is a burden,” he says seemingly to himself. “Why do you make me feel this way?” is his final question, as he steps in front of her and embraces her. And cue the opening chord of my ringtone. As the verse starts up, he kisses her. On the mouth! And they don’t stop kissing until they’re back in his car. She thanks him and kisses him goodnight, giving her flag a final wave.
Security at the concert venue must be nonexistent, if a girl and her 100-metre long banner can just waltz in. And trust me, I know how heavy banners can get. Plus, the chemistry in the last part isn’t terribly convincing. The kissing scene is ho-hum, I’ve seen better. This is one of the more mediocre epsodes.
Everyone who’s ever been in one is a relationship expert. You can take that line from me and run with it, because it’s so damn true. I’ve been in a few, and still counting, so I’m a certified doctorate holder in Relationshipology.
You probably wouldn’t have guessed from my extensive perusal of Linda Goodman’s Love Signs, Alloy.com’s relationship quizzes, and other such “sources” that I actually have a theory concerning attraction in relationships. Specifically, what factors do we base our attraction on?
1. Brains
You want someone intelligent, who works with you on your level, who gets your deep analysis about things. Even if “things” mean questions such as “How fast can a zombie shamble?” or “What pocket shape is most flattering on a big butt?”
It doesn’t mean that the dumb bimbo is looking for a Harvard professor to boost her ego, or the professor is looking for a bimbo to boost HIS. It just means you gotta be compatible on the brain waves, capisce?
2. Brawn
Is not only restricted to guys. I use “brawn” to mean physical attractiveness – from the neck down. And I’m not saying a specific body type is better than others. If you like tall lanky guys, you like them. If you like small, petite girls, go ahead. I’m not here to elaborate on WHY people have the preferences that they do – I’m just postulating that these preferences form a factor in the overall attractiveness of their partner.
Why do I separate bodies into “neck up” and “neck down”? Oh come on, as if you didn’t already know. A fantastic pair of bazongas can seal the deal for some guys, as long as her face isn’t vomit-inducing. And the fact that Michael Phelps is considered quite a catch (what, of the day?) further bolsters the neck-up-neck-down theory. Have you SEEN him in civilian clothes, sans swim cap and goggles?
3. Beauty
Now we’re talking about the “neck-up” type of good looks. I mean, you’re going to be looking at their face a lot. And unless you plan on taking pictures from the neck down (and I’m not judging you if you do, but it’s bad composition), a decent face counts.
Heck, for some, a decent face is all that matters. Brains can always be engaged with other similar-minded individuals. Bodies – hey, some of us are grateful just to HAVE a body to cuddle with. And besides, everyone’s got the same parts, if you know what I mean. So you see how the face can be a bit of a deal-breaker?
Those are the 3 factors. But what cognitive processes go on in people’s heads when they’re assessing future prospects on these 3 factors? I have 2 postulations, both seem just as likely:
a) Compensation
Compensation is best summed up as “opposites attract”. People seek in their partner the factor that is lacking in themselves, so that through association, they can “have” the same factor.
For example, if I feel I’m very clever and have a great body, but rather a mediocre face, I’d seek out someone who’s good-looking. Or appearance becomes the deciding factor between two otherwise equal competitors. (Totally in dreamland now – no one’s ever had to compete for me.)
In short – whatever you’re lacking becomes the focus for decision-making.
b) Complement
In the complementary theory, whatever you have becomes the focus. Like attracts like. This is especially true when someone has a high societal status based on one of the 3 Bs – you’re famous for that thing, so you need to be with someone similar. Of course, much of it is also due to the fact that people with similar talents and interests will obviously have more opportunities to meet each other, which translates to more couplings. (This sounds like something from my Chemistry lessons on rates of reactions.)
What does this mean for us, the hoi polloi? It’s just as I said above. Some aspect of your personality, such as your job, or your undying passion for Star Wars, is so important to you that you find someone else who reflects that. Or you just spend way too much time on that one thing that you never meet people outside of that circle. Those 2 traits come under “Brains”, by the way. Because, you know, judging people by their bodies or looks is so yesterday.
Standard psychology disclaimer: I would never assert a claim such as “most people are A” or “people with trait X are B”. Human beings are complex, and even a little bit of introspection shows me that I’ve used both Compensation and Complement in my relationships. I’m not here to classify people into groups. I just want to find out what’s going on in our little jelly brains, and share it with the world.
There are 2 ways: The Lynn Way, and the easy way.
Let’s cover the textbook ‘easy way’ first.
The day before going down to the Jabatan Imigresen office, make sure you obtain the following:
Now, show up at the Imigresen office in the morning, so you can make payment before 3pm and collect your passport on the same day, after 2 hours of processing time. Any later and you’ll have to return the next day.
Apart from a lot of waiting in a noisy, somewhat stuffy room, it’s a very easy process.
Now, let’s do it the Lynn Way.
Now whose method are you going to use?
Frankly, the kiosk machine method is so simple, and you don’t even need to fill in a form -_-;;;. RM1 wasted for nothing! It’s not given enough publicity though, because even technophobes can submit their documents via machine as there are helpful officers on hand to press the relevant buttons for you. Why would anyone want to queue up to get a number, wait for the number to be called, and then wait 2 hours to collect the finished document, when you can just head to a machine and cut out the first 2 steps?
Sigh. Anyway, shiny new passport in hand now. My next mission is to go to the Ministry of Manpower in Singapore to handle some “foreign talent” issues.
Or at least, that’s what it feels like. This year, my birthday nicely coincided with my day off, so I could finally do all the shopping I’ve been saving up for.
First off, I had a nice birthday lunch at Hog’s Breath. I’m still full from it, and it was more than 5 hours ago!
Then I went to Page One to get Neil Gaiman’s latest book, The Graveyard Book.
It’s still in its shrink-wrap, expect a short review soon.
Following that, I headed to F.O.S. where I hit the jackpot – they had Hollister polo shirts in stock, and in my size! Hooray, now I don’t have to pay exorbitant shipping fees! Not all the colours looked good on me though, and they didn’t have Pink in S size, otherwise I could have contributed more to the fight against recession.
For some odd reason (as my Filipino junior was fond of saying) the CD shop opposite Starbucks at the first level of Vivocity had closed down, leaving a Singtel store to take over. Noooooo! How will I buy my James Morrison CD now? I need my white-boy soul to keep me sane on the commute to work!
And to top it all off, I have a few thousand calories’ worth of sugary goods from Candy Empire, which I shall distribute to my kiddies tomorrow. They’ll need it, as they have to sit through an intensive Physics session.
All in all, it was a good birthday, chock-full of decadent overeating and consumeristic purchasing.