Day 4: Because the alternative is unthinkable

Don’t ever say you don’t have a choice. You do. It’s just that the choice may not appeal to you.

People keep telling me, don’t give up, keep fighting, stay positive. Well, don’t have to tell me that! Firstly, I intend to beat this thing. It’s easy to defeat. Like, ‘O’ Level easy. Secondly, if I don’t keep fighting, what am I supposed to do? Curl up and die? Sorry, that’s for neglected houseplants. And I am not a houseplant.

I do what I do, because the alternative is unthinkable. The alternative is to give up. And that just doesn’t jive with me.

Which is why I never worried going into surgery on Thursday morning. I was only getting local anaesthetic, what’s to worry about?

Well, as it turned out, I was an exciting case. The operating prep was worrying and a bit painful for me, because they took the opportunity to stick lots and lots of needles and catheters in me. Because catheters go deeper than needles, they stuck me with some local before inserting the catheter. It was uncomfortable, of course, but nothing I can do about it.

After I’d had enough of this sticking-me business, I asked the anaesthetist to sedate me and put me in a wonky zone. It was only supposed to calm me down so I wouldn’t feel too much, and so I wouldn’t freak out at the noises. But whaddya know, I fell asleep practically straight away. Literally the last thing I remember is asking for sedation, and everything’s a blank from then on.

I awoke to see a big clock saying something like 5-plus pm, then back to sleep, only to awaken again to see the clock reading 8-plus pm. Both times I was only conscious for a little bit. I awoke properly around midnight, in the darkness, with something obstructing my throat. I couldn’t breathe normally, I couldn’t talk, and the nurse came running.

She told me that I’d been intubated, and the tube was to help me breathe. No shit! It’s choking me, setting off my gag reflex! But eventually I caught on to the rhythm and made myself a bit more comfortable. Sleep, true sleep, evaded me.

All I could do was close my eyes and will time to pass a bit faster.

Day 3: Cardiac Scan

Nothing much on the menu today, my parents drive down and have a talk with Dr Jason Phua. Initially I gave him the impression that they might take me back to KL, but he’s reluctant to allow that because at any time the tumour might get bigger and cut off my air, then it’d be Game Over for me.

He scheduled a cardiac scan to take a look at my heart. It’s pretty uncomfortable because the probe is cold and hard, and to get a good image they really pushed it hard into my chest, leaving bruises. This scan took a long time because they found a problem with my heart. The tumour kept poking at my heart, and my ticker responded by secreting fluid to cushion it. Since the fluid had nowhere to go, it just kept building up and was now squishing the organ it was supposed to protect. So in addition to getting a biopsy done, the doctors also had to plan for a tube insertion.

Surgery was planned first thing Thursday morning, and they were asking me to make a decision on Wednesday evening. Are you kidding? Of course I’ll take it. I want my steroids now, and I can’t have them till the biopsy is done.

The surgeon, Dr John Tam, reassured me that I’d not feel much during the surgery. They didn’t want to put me under general anaesthesia because my blood pressure might drop too much and be unable to circulate. So they decided to leave me on local anaesthetic, but they would sedate me so I’d be blissfully zonky during the whole process.

Another challenge was that because I couldn’t lie on my back, they would have to do the surgery with me sitting up. Talk about a challenge! I wonder if I’ll make it into any journal articles. Honestly, the idea of someone digging around in my chest cavity while I remained awake is weird, but I’ve been there, done that with dental surgery, so not a biggie.

Once we decided to go ahead with the surgery, they placed me on an overnight fast and someone came in to collect blood from me. At least now that they put in a plug/ tap, no more needles. They just need to open the tap and collect whatever they need.

Day 2: The biopsy

Three eager 4th-year medical students sit beside me, one of them apparently having been appointed official spokesman because the other 2 don’t say anything. I answer their questions patiently (because I am a patient haha) and satisfied, they leave.

At 11-plus am, a team of doctors and someone from the cell pathology lab come to my bedside to stick a needle into the lump in my neck. The first jab doesn’t seem conclusive, so they do another one for a cell block assay. The first order of business is to see what we’re dealing with, although the pathologist’s first guess is lymphoma.

Later in the day, I go for an MRI. I wait a very long time because they’re understaffed, and I fall asleep in my wheelchair a couple of times. The MRI isn’t the best of experiences because of my inability to lie down flat without coughing, but at least it’s over fast.

My ward doctor, Dr Jason Phua, comes by to see me and tell me that they’re assembling a team to look after me. Right now they’re looking for a surgeon to do a biopsy of the tumour tissue itself, since the needle biopsies weren’t all that great. The MRI did show them that my coughing was caused by the tumour pressing down on my windpipe, and they’re worried about that. Steroids would help with the swelling, but would also interfere with the results of the biopsy, so I can’t have them yet.

Today was a day of calling parents and employers to tell them what happened to me. At this point we still didn’t know how serious the situation was, but at least my students would be taken care of.

Hospital stays are boring, I only have the newspaper and my Harry Potter book to entertain me. But at least I’m still mobile! And I can feed and dress myself so at least I don’t feel so helpless.

Day 1: My own episode of House MD!

Tuesday, 24th February 2009, 1.30am.

24-year-old Chinese female, presenting with persistent dry cough which resulted in her collapsing and being admitted into the Emergency section of National University Hospital.

Subsequent routine X-ray revealed mediastinal mass extending from neck to above the heart. Patient admitted to C-class 8-bedder ward for observation. Doctors note a swelling and fullness of her neck region.

So that’s how I ended up in hospital on Monday night, with an ambulance coming to pick me up. Not much happened apart from getting registered and having some blood drawn for tests.

18 things about my JC self

I didn’t choose my JC. I just got sent there by the vagaries of bureaucracy in the MOE. If I’d been asked where I wanted to go, I’d probably have said “St Andrew’s JC” because I liked the uniform.
I spent the first three months wearing an amazingly unique uniform = white blouse (shirt in my case) with a turquoise pinafore. Thanks to the new posting system, such a thing will never be seen again.
I was very proud of my collar badge and never forgot to wear it.
To this day, I maintain that the VJC PE shorts are the best running shorts I’ve ever worn. Mostly because they’re the ONLY ones I’ve ever worn to actually run.
I got a GOLD award for NAPFA in my first year. Sadly, I only got a Silver in my second year, and that’s the result printed on my cert.
I dropped Math S Paper, but that’s okay because I only wanted to do Biology S Paper anyway. I suffered through a few S paper sessions though, they were NOT FUN.
I consistently topped my class in GP grades, but ended up with an A2 for A Levels while some other dude snagged the only A1. It was particularly galling because I didn’t like him at all, and my GP tutor expected me to be the top student.
My favourite meal was the 50-cent nasi lemak packets from the Hot Drinks and Snacks stall. Cheap and the sambal was an ass-kicking spicy.
Everyone else loved Western Food, and my favourite from that stall was their Ham and Cheese Omelette.
I miss the red-and-black tables and benches that used to sit in the concourse. I have especially fond memories of them, because I used to sit there and study or do assignments while waiting for my JC boyfriend to finish classes. Those benches have since been replaced by cafe-type chairs and tables.
VJ gave me my first taste of Wi- Fi, and I in turn was one of the few students who knew about the school network back then. I think after I graduated, Wi-Fi went mainstream, especially with the introduction of Centrino laptops, but I first went online wirelessly using an antenna in the PC card slot.
Back in the days of free Wi-Fi and no one to share bandwidth with me, I used to spend entire Saturdays in school doing my “Internet stuff”. No, I had no life, how did you guess?
In JC2, we had a Secret Pal letter-writing project with our junior class and I fell for my junior. But it’s not the stuff of fairytales. I swapped with someone else, because we drew names randomly. So our relationship was pretty much the culmination of my shrewd, unconscious plans.
I joined the String Ensemble for a little while, but quit because holding a violin made my shoulder joint ache.
My CCAs were the Biology Society and the Defence Science Club. Basically we played StarCraft. Last I heard, the very small Defence Science Club had merged with the Bridge Club (and possibly the Chess Club) to form the Strategic Games Club. I was assistant secretary for Defence Science! Free CCA points.
I initially wore a pair of adidas sneakers, then changed to a pair of Reeboks that I bought at Why Pay More. They lasted me till the beginning of my senior year in university (when they finally gave out during Eusoff Challenge).
I regret not auditioning for the choir, out of fear.
When I think back to 2002-2003, I remember doing a lot of growing up due to living apart from my family. I also remember it as really happy times, especially 2003, because I had found someone to love. I just wish I hadn’t looked so darn ugly then, because the pictures I have of that era are embarrassingly non-photogenic.

Bipedals on two wheels, Day Two

Oooh, tired tired tired. Since today was my day off, I decided to make a little expedition on scooter to Little Guilin, in Bukit Batok Town Park. I’ve passed it by a couple of times, but never actually been there. So today was a good combination of exploring a new place, riding my scooter, as well as scouting out the park connector network.

My expedition buddy and I set off along Cheong Chin Nam Road, then turned into Old Jurong Road and had a lovely time coasting downhill through Bukit Batok Nature Park, where the Japanese WWII memorial is located. After this we set off through the neighbourhood, and a little boy standing behind me at the traffic light admired my scooter aloud to his mother. It’s kinda telling that the only positive comments I receive from the public come from kids.

While we were still moving through the neighbourhood (my buddy following behind on a bike), it started to rain. It didn’t bother us much until it got heavier, following which we took refuge at a bus stop while I checked the route again on my Nokia Maps. I love this app, I do. It’s free and it works, what more could I want?

After confirming our route, we went on, the rain having fortuitously lightened to a light sprinkling. Eventually we got within sight of the park connector that I had been aiming for. Unfortunately, we were on the opposite side of the road, and we only found a crossing when we were actually at Little Guilin itself.

After a journey of about 5km, because we took a bit of a detour through Bukit Batok Street 21, we had reached the former mine/quarry that had filled up with water to form a lake. You decide if it’s really pretty. It’s just something novel for me to look at.

The main view from the entrance

The most arresting former mining face

The quieter end, which I suspect attracts courting couples after dark.

We took the park connector back. For the most part, it was a lot more fun than taking sidewalks, firstly because it’s so wiiiiiiiide and there’s so much space, and secondly because the surface is smooth. Makes for awesome gliding.

The downhill bit on Jalan Jurong Kechil was also fun – I coasted all the way from the bus stop in front of the German School, to the next bus stop. Wheeee!

My legs got a good workout from pushing uphill – I got this thing for exercise, after all, but I don’t think I’m getting much cardio. A runner can go faster than me, after all. But I don’t want to run, I want to gliiiiiiiiiiiiiiide with the wind in my hair.

Dammit I wish I could scoot 10km for the StanChart event instead. Wide open roads, no traffic, no drain grilles, no cracks in the pavement or rough gravelly surfaces – it’s a dream! Sigh.

Oh yeah – today I braved the testosterone-filled atmosphere of the bike shop, and bought a tiny little white LED blinkie light for $17. It’s very small and is more to improve visibility than to actually illuminate my path. The shop ran out of bells, so I went around the corner to a bicycle and motor shop run by some uncles, and picked out a $5 bell. My expedition buddy said I need to ring while I’m still farther away, and not when I’m 2 steps behind them. I am a n00b! I have lots to learn.

Bipedals on two wheels, Day One

So I almost didn’t make my maiden Xootr commute today.

In the morning, I discovered my necklace missing. Since it’s imbued with great sentimental, as well as monetary value, I spent time looking for it and missed my regular bus. As well as the “late” one 15 minutes later. I suppose I could have run for it, but I was carrying a scooter, facing the loss of my jewellery and I just didn’t have the drive.

So I took a cab to work instead. Couldn’t afford to be late, because we were having a meeting and the late fine is 10 bucks. Taxi fare was only $7.80. So much for making a mixed-mode commute to work.

The Xootr drew comments from my boss, who thought it was a bike. The colleague sitting next to me hadn’t even noticed it sitting quietly under my table.

Come going-home time, I decided to forgo the bus entirely and scoot all the way. I walked to Chancery Lane, because the pavement leading from the office to the residential area is ABSOLUTELY ATROCIOUS, and began my adventure there.

I didn’t go very fast, because of the many dips in the pavement to accommodate house entrances. I went on the road for a little bit, enjoying the freedom, but it wasn’t to last. My whole riding philosophy is safety over speed, so I walked and pushed at intersections in order to avoid getting hit by cars.

I started my journey at about 8.20pm, and arrived home at 10pm. Google Earth tells me that the distance I travelled is around 8.6 kilometres, so I didn’t go much faster than a pedestrian, actually, assuming that pedestrians have a constant speed of 5km/hour. I’m pretty impressed by my distance travelled, actually.

Along the way I did have some ugly moments. Almost tripped over the scooter deck while crossing the road, some dude who went ‘whoa’ in my face near Coronation Plaza when I was doing my best not to wipe out into the grass verge, another weird dude who overtook me running, then I overtook hin, then he overtook me back, still running – whatever, man. Safety, not speed. I think I’ll need a bell or something, though – some people can’t hear my soft little voice saying “excuse me”. Oh, and a Hwa Chong JC boy who couldn’t see me coming and didn’t make way until I was 2 inches in front of him. Stupid kid, just because you’re all out in a group during orientation doesn’t make the sidewalk yours. He probably thought I was like 14 years old or something.

To be fair, I made some mistakes too. I cut a little too close to some pedestrians, and I learned that it’s sometimes not worth it to ride past a bus stop, because space is so limited. And also, rough pavement is worse than cracks, because a crack will bump you but rough pavement will jiggle your arms so badly it feels as though they’re being vibrated out of their sockets.

All in all, not a bad first ride – there were good moments when the pavement was wide, smooth and clear, and I got some good gliding out of one push. But I don’t think I’ll do that route again. It’s not worth the effort, frankly, because of the sheer number of pavement dips and traffic lights, as well as unfriendly pavement conditions. I don’t mind the time spent, because Fridays I get off a bit earlier, I’m not working the next day, and this counts towards my exercise quota.

Tomorrow I’ll see about using the park connectors to get to Little Guilin and take a gander at the place. Meanwhile I’ll have to scout for an alternative route to get home from work, entirely by scooter.

Oh yeah, I found my necklace after all. Phew!

Pictures from January 2009

Giant balloon sculpture. Notice the repetition of curved lines.

I didn’t believe it was a real balloon until I read the info board.

A stack of home-cooked teeny-weeny pancakeys! With a dollop of passionfruit jam on top. Nyam nyam.

All that is sugar. White sugar, light brown sugar and dark brown sugar. Now causing diabetes in me, my friends and family, and a few of my students to whom I offered the cookies carrying this calorific payload.

Scoot over!

When I buy big-ticket items, which to me means things that cost more than $100 dollars, I always usually go for the premium brands. It’s not because I work for a company that is considered “high-end” for its niche. It’s not because I am spoilt (how could you even SAY that, *pout*).

It’s just that I like getting my money’s worth. I hate buying such expensive items repeatedly, especially if they’re meant to last you a very long time. This philosophy applies to other things in my life as well. Basically, do it once and do it good. Why pay less for a crappy item that will break on you and necessitate another purchase?

Okay-la, I admit that I have very “high-end” tastes and needs, and therefore only high-end items can make me happy. But that’s a blogpost for another day. Probably when Windows 7 and Diablo III come out. (Hello Blizzard, are you listening?) And because I am a self-supporting high-maintenance girl, when I want a (kick) scooter, I get the best in the business.

But first, an elaboration on why I’m even buying a scooter. You see, my current work commute is bus+bus, or bus+train, depending. The irritating thing about the bus+bus commute is that the connecting bus is only for about 4 or 5 stops. It’s a walkable distance, but that would take me 15 minutes and make me sweaty in this weather. I reconnoitred the route once and I didn’t like it at all.

So, human-powered 2-wheeled vehicle it is! I’m no good on a bike, and the idea of road-riding scares me, so I’m going for a mixed-mode commute. Part bus, part leg power. I could actually scooter all the way to work on pavement, but that would mean going practically the whole length of Bukit Timah Road, and I haven’t checked out that route yet.

Anyway, I’ve been intending to get a Xootr since I saw it featured somewhere, but I thought shipping from the US was going to cost a bomb. Then I saw mrbrown’s post, and found out that they have a Singapore distributor! Hooray! They’re actually 2 friends, middle-aged men who do this distributorship as a hobby of sorts. I called them to arrange a test-ride, and picked up my Xootr on the spot. Of course, I told them which model I wanted beforehand, so they could bring it along. You can check out their site here. The one who met me was a Mr Boo, and he’s a very nice and friendly man! We chatted in his car as he drove back to his house to collect another item I wanted. So, no worries if you’re looking to buy from them!

Actually, the only worry you might have is the price. Like I said before, I go for the best, and I pay a price to match. Xootr scooters are made to fit adults, and being a petite specimen, I fit just fine. I don’t even have to crouch to be able to hold the handlebars. Can’t say the same for Razor scooters, because they’re built for kids. Plus, the production and build quality of Xootr is solid, so I don’t mind paying more for something that I’m sure will last a lifetime.

And it’s just soooooo darn pretty. No way someone is going to mistake this for a kids’ toy, brought out on little family trips to the supermarket. This is a serious personal transportation device!

In its folded form, with carry strap attached and slack

Fully deployed, and the carry strap is now taut and won’t get in my way!

The magnesium deck is larger than I anticipated! That’s my fat little leg on it, see how much space I have?

I also took a picture of the serial number just in case anyone disputes my ownership in the future. The photo timestamp should prove my case!

Tomorrow I take it out on its maiden commute ride. I’m going to be very careful, because I don’t have a helmet and probably won’t get one. It’s against safety precautions, kids! Don’t say I didn’t warn you!

Bohemia Bunny

The Funnerology Principle

Monthly Archives: February 2009