Takeshi Talk, Part One
I recently changed my usual bus route to work, because I kept missing the bus to Toa Payoh. Now I take a bus to Orchard and then the MRT to Novena. Along the way, I face mortal danger from the escalators - and it’s Takeshi’s fault.
At the underpass from Tangs to the MRT station, there’s a giant ad for Red Cliff, and you can look at the different actors as you go up or down the escalator. Tony Leung and Takeshi get the prime spot at eye level, as well as another Takeshi picture right at the bottom of the escalator. So I have to mind that I’m not too busy staring, otherwise I’ll fall headlong down the very sharp and serrated steps. Also, I keep having to resist the temptation to pose in front of the Takeshi picture and take an “act cute” photo.
And I have to run this gauntlet every day!
On another note, I am now catching up with my neglected TV series, Kamisama Mou Sukoshi Dake (God Please Give Me More Time), which catapulted Takeshi to fame in Japan. Frankly, it’s a pretty rubbish story - it reads like fanfiction, which I suppose it is - how very meta. But I never claimed to watch it for the story, eh?
So I’m going to do a blow-by-blow commentary a la Mystery Science Theatre 3000, and snark my way through the series.
Part One begins after the jump.
In Episode One, the scene opens to Takeshi’s character, Ishikawa Keigo, sitting on top of a bridge, ruminating on life and death, while Luna Sea’s “I For You” plays in the background. Then he gets into his black convertible and drives off, eventually getting into a car elevator. These things fascinate me!
Our moody hero goes into what seems like backstage at a concert. Apparently he writes the songs that make the whole world cry. Bla bla bla, cut to a street scene of Tokyo in spring. In a public restroom, some schoolgirls are primping up for their “extracurricular” activities, while one shows off her new Chanel purse. Here, we meet our heroine Masaki for the first time. We follow her into Tower Records, where she gushes over the new Keigo-composed album while an Ah Beng-looking boy watches. Masaki complains that her phone has been disconnected because she didn’t pay the phone bill. “Apparently they really do that!” she says, surprised. Um. Yeah, they do.
Cut to a parking lot where a white van pulls up near a black convertible. Keigo is inside “having fun” with some random groupie. His lackey-cum-driver comes out to tell him it’s time for rehearsal, and the ever-dutiful Keigo tosses the keys to the girl and tells her to wait for him at his place.
Onstage at the rehearsal, Keigo shows his assholic side by telling off a showboating guitarist. Apparently he’s one of those songwriters who maintains strict control over the performance of his songs, and you do it his way - or else. The guitarist retorts that he hasn’t written any new songs in ages. “I pay your salary, do as I say” - that’s pretty much his philosophy. Ok, Keigo is an angry man with writer’s block. Got that.
Back on the street, Masaki is walking around with her Ah Beng friend, who is manhandling her precious ticket to Keigo’s concert. This is a strange thing to say, actually. Keigo is a composer, not a performer. Plot hole! Masaki suddenly remembers that she needs to record a TV show, and calls her mum from a pay phone (her cell is out of commission, remember?). While she’s calling, a salaryman offers her 30,000 yen for you-know-what, which pisses her off (naturally). She leaves the phone booth in a fit of anger and disgust, leaving her wallet on top of the phone.
In a shop, she realises her wallet is missing. Never mind the money, Keigo’s concert ticket was inside! And the only available tickets now cost 50,000 yen from scalpers. The only way to raise that much money in such a short period of time is, ironically, the same thing that put her in this predicament: Sex for money. The irony only gets heavier throughout the series. Funny, you wouldn’t have thought that the Japanese were into irony.
Backstage, the singer Kaoru tells Keigo that his contract is in danger because he’s been dry for so long. He retorts that “work is just a pastime until death”. Ya ya, emo much? We leave our brooding hero for a KTV lounge, where Masaki and her friend are entertaining a fatty. While her friend is out answering a phone call, the fatty tries to inject Masaki with something, and she flees the place. When they finally gather up the courage to return, all their money is gone. Gaaahhhh!
Now thoroughly desperate, Masaki goes on a date with a loser-type guy. When he brings up the topic of sex, she loudly tells the entire restaurant that “hey, our agreement was no sex!”, which then frees her to run out of the place. Long story short, the guy is also a Keigo fan, and Masaki decides to be sympathetic.
Back in his lonely apartment, Keigo sits at the piano waiting for inspiration that never comes, while some whisky and a photo of his late girlfriend accompany him. What do you mean, how do I know she’s dead? Because you don’t keep framed photos of your ex-girlfriend within easy reach, duh!
Cut to Masaki’s house: Her Ah Beng friend, Hibino, calls to tell her that he’s found her wallet, with the ticket still inside. Hooray! But in about 5 seconds, we see that it’s already too late: she slept with loser-type, who left her 50,000 yen on the bed of the love hotel while she was showering. Disgusted with herself, she weeps.
Apparently not all that disgusted though, because she still managed to get tickets for herself and her friend to go to the concert. After the show, Keigo takes the singer Kaoru to task for changing one of his lyrics. Being a moody sort, he skips the end-of-tour party to go home. His white van pulls up at the traffic light, next to the cab that Masaki and pal are in. Man, these girls have money to burn!
They freak out, and Masaki decides to run out of the cab, in the pouring rain, after the van. Run run run, and when it stops at a red light to turn right, she climbs up the overhead bridge to unfurl her “I Love Keigo” banner. Our hero drives off into the night, and our heroine walks the streets, drenched. Oh, boo hoo hoo. Nothing like rain to show your devotion, eh.
She stops at a ubiquitous vending machine to buy canned coffee (meh), and a hand beats hers to the coin slot. Hooray, we’re saved! It’s our hero with an umbrella! He gives her a lift, but she says her home is far. So he does the next best thing: “Wanna warm up at my place?” Hoo yeah, he’ll warm you up all right.
For a change of pace, we cut to a bar, where a middle-aged woman is telling her companion how her daughter got all dressed up for a concert. Ah! It’s Masaki’s okaa-san, and she’s having an affair! She says to wait until her son (Masaki’s younger brother) passes the entrance exam, because she wants her kids to have a secure life. Er yeah, your mum having an affair really adds to the security.
Back at the bachelor pad, Keigo hands Masaki a fluffy white bathrobe. She asks why he picked her up, and he replies: “Out of 2000 girls in the crowd, I picked you.” He then decides to debate the nature of loving someone without knowing them. Oh come on you asshole, “I Love Keigo” doesn’t mean she loves-loves you! But she takes the bait, and declares that she does know something of him. It shows in the songs he writes. In reply, he lights up a cigarette. This show is full of drinking and smoking, it would never pass the US censors.
After coming out of her shower, Masaki goes nuts in Keigo’s carpeted piano room. She does a handstand and tells him that it gives you a fresh perspective on things. Yes, spunky and spirited, I see that. Yawn. She plops herself down on his bed, and he goes on and on about how his songs are a lie. The songs express feelings that he no longer has. He is just empty. Then he makes a “lonely face”, which only perceptive people like Masaki can pick up. And then! She cuddles him to her bosom! (Which is probably much more substantial than mine.) And! He responds! Oh, she has broken through his shell of loneliness and… and… despair! And any other negative emotions you care to name.
Cut to some white orchids in a darkened room. It’s 4am, and Masaki wakes up. She’s still wearing her pajama top, so I thought they were innocently sleeping, but hey! Takeshi Keigo’s topless. So they did the dirty after all. She creeps out of bed to write a note with her name and number, then thinks better of it and crumples it up. Instead she writes him a note, summarised thus: “Thanks for last night, I know you were just using a line about picking me out of a crowd, I left early so as not to ruin the mood. My memories with you will always be my pride.” Yeah, and if this was the UK, you could sell your story to some tabloid for a few thousand pounds.
Keigo awakes - not very sexy - and reads the note. Meanwhile Masaki has managed to walk home. Even her insanely permissive parents realise something is wrong when your kid SPENDS THE NIGHT OUTSIDE. Ramen. Her mother follows her upstairs, demanding an explanation, which she gets in much more detail than she probably wanted: “I just had sex with a man I love.”
Cut to a white van, where Keigo’s probably-virgin lackey asks about his nocturnal sports. “Doesn’t that line usually work? It’s so cool!” While cleaning up the van, the lackey throws away Masaki’s banner. If you hoped for a degree of sentimentality from Keigo, you’d be disappointed, because his response is to take another drag on his cigarette.
In some kissaten somewhere, Masaki tells Hibino (the Ah Beng) that she has found the difference between “having sex” and “making love”, so she doesn’t want to be his friend-with-benefit any more. Montage of her spring holidays follow, featuring girls in bikinis! Masaki’s friends comment that she seems to be more purposeful in life now. What that purpose is, I have no idea, much less that it could be found in a one-night stand.
Time passes, and Keigo returns to his lonely bachelor pad. He puts his really ugly sunglasses down on the piano, and the fangirls get a closeup of his face before being blinded by a scene in a florist.
Masaki is in the middle of buying white orchids when she gets a phone call. “Ishikawa who?” she asks. Probably not the response Keigo was expecting! Where did he find her number? In the trash can, where she threw it away 3 months ago. OMG, Keigo is a disgusting bachelor! He invites her to join him at a recording session in 2 days, because he has been abroad and wants someone he can communicate with. Yeah, I know the feeling. Spend enough time in foreign lands, and you just suddenly fall back in love with your mother tongue.
Our dear, air-headed heroine skips across the road holding her orchids, so naturally she gets hit by a vehicle. Minor injury, she turns up at the hospital saying she’s fine. Unfortunately, while she’s there, a nurse pricks herself with the needle used to draw blood from Masaki. In this case, it’s necessary to run a test for transmissible diseases. The test comes back - POSITIVE! Yeah, as if you didn’t see that coming. Poor nurse, she’s now on a regimen of AZT and other drugs, but we won’t hear from her again.
Cut to Masaki’s bedroom mirror, where she has unearthed half her wardrobe in an effort to dress for her date with Keigo. Which is also the same day she’s due back at the clinic. She bounces into the clinic, hoping they will be done quickly because she has a date *squee*!
Bad news is delivered, and she sits there contemplating while a voiceover says things that sound pretty but mean nothing. Meanwhile, Keigo is ambulating on his own two feet, as opposed to a car or van, and he sees the flowers that Masaki dropped when she got hit. He picks them up and puts them aside. Pointless symbolism.
So that’s it for episode 1. The plot twists are worthy of a high-school novel, and by that I mean a novel written by a high-schooler. Those of you familiar with the realm of romance fanfiction will see the parallels immediately. The plot is very far-fetched, so you can almost always predict what’s going to happen before it does.
So why the hell am I watching it? It’s a guilty pleasure, I admit. I’m a sucker for a love story with Takeshi acting in it, and in spite of the overly-melodramatic plot, my little stone heart is moved.
Every episode ends with a bonus credits-roll-cum-music video featuring Takeshi running across a beach while some female swims in the sea. I think it’s meant to symbolise how they are forever separated. Or, you know, just an excuse to show Takeshi in full-on romantic lead mode.
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