Sometimes it’s better to hate.
Angry post after the jump.
I think I hate you now. Oh, you sneaky little bugger, hiding things even from your best buddies, didn’t you? But you always left traces here and there that you thought were too unimportant to erase. Or maybe in a passive-aggressive mode, you left them there because you knew full well I would find them. Either way, I will take knowledge, no matter how painful, over ignorance any damn day. But I repeat this: We promised to tell each other. You might have thought it didn’t matter since I’d moved on, but at least I was honest with you. Brutally honest, yes, but I didn’t leave you wondering whether I had or I had not.
I’m very much reassured that it’s her, and not some of the other suspects on my list. Because the others are such threats! Tall, beautiful, accomplished. They push all my insecurity buttons and make me jumpy. But her - well, I’ll just say she matches you in looks. So cute how you both have the same nose. I’m sure her brain is at least a match for mine, if not yours, but it would really be beneath you to end up with a bimbo, no? And considering your friendship for many years, I suppose it’s not really surprising. Tell me, had she been waiting in the shadows all those years, waiting for her chance to jump on my rejected goods? I’d love to wish it was so, but because the world needs more romantic love stories, I’ll pretend you were reunited in your hometown and discovered, now that you were both available, a latent attraction made stronger by time and distance, bla bla bla.
I don’t blame you for ending up with her, anyway. Like I said, better her than some of the others - my ego has regained its previous inflated dimensions, knowing she’s no match for me. And I can sympathise with the attractions of dating within your hometown: no more teary farewells at the end of term, like we had to endure. Instead you’ll be going home with someone headed the same way, you can drive to dark secluded places to make out (which, need I remind you, you never did with me) and… I’m giving the game away. Indeed it is quite pleasant to not have to rack up insane phone bills anymore, ya?
Funny how you forget some things with the passage of time. As I was recounting the advantages of my current situation, it suddenly came to mind that I had once returned home with you, no? I remembered it vaguely, hovering at the fringes of memory. But I couldn’t remember when, or for what reason. Thank goodness I had chat logs to help me fill in the blanks. The brain does an amazing job, cleaning up useless junk memories. Given time, you should become as familiar to me as trigo identities and organic chemistry.
Oh, and I think it’s really adorable that you took pictures of yourselves like that. Tacky, and rather adolescent, but the early stages of “love” are like that. We had our fair share of cringe-inducing pictures too - I really should burn them before they’re used as blackmail material. And did you teach her “love, me” too? Again, sappy teenage romance. But you were always the dreamer, the romantic, the act-cute one. Unfortunately all your romance didn’t work on me, did it?
I’d love to see how you two progress. Whether absence makes the heart grow fonder, or it drives a huge wedge in your budding relationship. The joke’s on me now if it turns out you’ve been seeing her since we broke up, and not just recently as I thought. But then it would just absolve me of any aspersions you care to cast upon my character, since you wouldn’t have been totally honest either, no?
I’m also hugely aware that you deleted me off your MSN. I discovered that fact quite by accident, but it would explain your silence. Perfectly understandable act, after all I’ve done it before too. I hesitated a bit, because it’s always useful to have sources of information. But MSN’s utility on this front is limited, so off you go. Man, I should so totally work in information gathering - just like Bluecorp in Phoenix Wright! I found her blog, too. It was laughably simple. You never left a comment on my blog, not once in so many years. But if your comments consist of quoting verbatim the entire lyrics of a song, I’ll pass, thanks.
By and large, I think my greatest comfort comes from the fact that I’m just plain better-looking. Of course it’s a superficial thing to say, but I don’t really have to worry about being upstaged on other fronts, do I? Didn’t we used to joke that if only our kids would have my looks and your brains, they’d be set for life. Well, looks like your kids have to get by on brains alone.
Oh, and so just you know that I know you wriggled out of a proper settlement: You still owe me the boxes for the DS and its accoutrements. And my biggest regret in breaking up with you is this: I should have bought Munchkins off you. Oh, and I hope Absolute Sandman gives you a nasty papercut, or else it falls on your foot and adds another injury to your list.
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