Monthly Archive
Browsing entries posted on April 2007
More Guessing Goodness
*Paid Post*
PayPerPost has just announced to us Posties that they have acquired a company. The official announcement will come next week, leaving us in suspense. This makes for profitable suspense, because now we Posties get to blog about our conjectures regarding this latest happening.
I blogged some time back, when PPP had a big announcement, that perhaps they were taking up a joint venture with Google. Well, obviously that’s not the case here, since they are acquiring a company, so it’s probably a smaller startup with goals similar to PayPerPost’s. What could it be, though?
I’m thinking a webhosting company, because that way we Posties can get both a hosting account for our blogs, and get paid to blog! I just like convergence, that’s all. I don’t know if any conflict of interest issues will arise from such an arrangement, though.
Seeing how PayPerPost is a pretty innovative startup, their new acquisition must be cutting-edge as well, so I’m thinking Web 2.0 with user-created content. Among the different possible kinds of user-created content are blogs, pictures, movies, music… could it be a photo-sharing site to rival the likes of Flickr? A music-sharing site, like Myspace without the juvenile feeling? Maybe it’s a file-sharing client, or something.
There’s no reason why PPP can’t just buy over another paid blogging network, though. I’ve heard of Helium, where you can write on topics and get paid from ad revenue, which is similar to PPP although the business model is different. Such a combination would mean more advertisers and more bloggers, geared towards the same thing - writing for money.
Whatever it is, I’m sure it’s going to be very exciting for the Posties - it feels good to be part of an organization that’s constantly innovating and trying new things. Us creative types can’t deal with stagnation, you know.
Tis is teh sobz.
I’ll probably take this down once I feel better, or something. I’ve just perused all 50 pages of “I Can Has Cheezburger?” so I’m feeling, well, amused.
Deere Noose,
Now me wants cheezburger. Do not want examz. I has no bucket, either. Sobz sobz.
Not much of me left
Can attacks to one’s self-concept also deplete the ego and its regulatory effects?
I don’t know who I am any more. I don’t know where I went. Something somewhere has gone horribly wrong and I don’t know how to fix myself.
I just got a C for my lab report. I knew it was a p.o.s. when I handed it in, because it was done while sitting in a darkened lecture theatre, waiting for rehearsals to end. It was my own stupid fault for taking the easy way out and cutting corners, instead of taking the time and effort to make it more detailed. While others were frantically cutting words to make the limit, I was looking for things to say to fill up space. That was already an indicator that something was wrong.
And sunk-cost effect. If I had started earlier, I would have had enough time to change my thesis statement and find empirical data to support that. But lack of time meant that I stuck with my admittedly shaky thesis. My statistics were never very strong, so I shouldn’t have tried to be funny and run my own analysis. Foolhardy, I think the word is.
I’ve never received such a bad grade, ever. The previous record was a B- for a term paper. Two, in fact. But C! Not even C+, but C! The letter seems hunched over, ashamed of itself, as it glows at me on the screen. My breath catches in my throat. I knew it was bad, but I’d never expected it to be THIS bad.
I feel like I should cry, but the tears ain’t coming. This is getting to be a worrying trend, this lacrimal deficiency. Does it make me any less human if I’m unable to cry? Do I even want to be human any more? It’s a huge burden, being responsible for myself. Why fight the current, why strive, why struggle? Why not be carried along on the eddies of life, biding my time until the merciful end arrives?
To counter Nietzsche, there is chaos in my soul, but it will consume me before it births a dancing star.
I should never have invested so much of myself in my academics. For so long I have defined myself by my grades and my achievements that when they take a hit, so does my self-concept. Self-esteem rises and falls, I can deal with that. But when the very notion of who you are has been questioned: what then? Who am I, if I do not go on to do Honours? Who am I, if I can’t achieve the 2nd upper that for so long has been a perfectly reasonable and achievable goal? Day by day, the spectre of a job in the service industry looms larger, more concrete, no longer just a flippant joke but a serious consideration.
This shitty year just keeps getting worse and worse.
*Edited 23rd April*
I just read through the comments for my lab report, and I’m now amazed at the generosity of my lecturer. I severely underestimated the shittiness of that lab report. Firstly, I committed the fatal flaw of misreading the instructions. Yes, that’s right. The page limit was inclusive of the references and title page, not exclusive. OMG im teh n00b. Because of that mistake, he regarded my final paragraph and references list as missing since they were over the page limit. Urgh.
There were some formatting problems in that I didn’t put in a running header and a little title at the corner, but I doubt that’s the biggest concern. He took more issue with my “ridiculous” statistical analyses (see, I knew it) and indeed, with my overall thesis statement. Not only was the evidence shaky, he said the thesis wasn’t even related to the module. I dispute that it’s not related, after all we are covering individual differences, but he’s the one with the red pen, so.
I’m totally astounded by my inability to differentiate between “inclusive” and “exclusive”. Not the first time I’ve done these kinds of heroics. I had better open my eyes wide tomorrow and read each question through 3 times before even writing a draft.
Being strong, holding on
On a whim, I opened Media Player (yes, I am a Microsoft stool, I won’t use iTunes or all that stuff) and clicked on Daughtry’s “It’s Not Over”. And suddenly the lyrics became very, very apt.
I’ve just wasted 2 days of my reading week, and am behind on revisions. I can’t delay reading, because my schedule is really tight, so I’m left with the hope that whatever I can remember from studying for the quizzes will come in handy. I guess continual assessment is a good thing after all. Among all my modules, this is the only one where I can claim to at least have touched all the readings, as opposed to the others where unread PDF files of research papers taunt me on the screen.
Back to the lyrics of Daughtry’s song: It’s not over, I’ll try to do it right this time around. Yeah, after the screwup that was Semester 1, I’m not going to be a fool the second time around. I’ve figured out how to tackle the modules taken by the same lecturer who gave me a B- last semester. I suppose it wasn’t his fault - I just didn’t meet expectations. But I will this time around, because he made his expectations very clear and I’m sure I can meet them.
Don’t get caught up in yourself. No more gaming, no more giving in to little whims - I need to learn self-denial and delayed gratification. I had huge helpings of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream today, both from Free Cone Day and my block supper, so food cravings aren’t a problem. Now I just need to focus!
My life with you means everything, so I won’t give up that easily. If there’s something that defines who I am, right now, above all else, that word is unfortunately “scholar”. Not in the academic sense, but in the financial sense. Money’s a huge incentive, and it’s the reason why I work hard and worry about my grades when I could just coast through on minimal effort. That financial incentive is my number one priority right now, as it should always have been. Self-discovery can go take a back seat till the holidays arrive.
Let’s make this something good.
The Truth Is Out There…
*Paid Post*
When I was in upper primary school, I was a huge fan of The X-Files. Every Wednesday night without fail, I would boggle my prepubescent mind with aliens, UFOs and government conspiracies. Then they changed the timeslot, and I decided I’d had enough of TV shows with no endings.
While for me, the mysteries were just entertainment, for others they’re a perfectly serious affair. Forget grainy photographs supposedly of Nessie’s flipper or a Sasquatch, the new medium of proof is video. And now, there’s a video site in the mold of YouTube for all the cryptozoologists, ufologists and conspiracy theorists out there. Check them out: Disclose.tv - Mystery & secret videos reveiled
Topics concerning the Mayan Calendar, secret cults and time travel are also given extensive coverage on this site, as it has 14 channels to cater to the diverse interests of its audience. Even better - for those with their own collection of videos, they stand a chance to win an iPod by uploading a certain number of videos to the site.
And so it ends.
If I may just rant for a little while, because I feel like reclaiming this blog from the money-spinning machine it has (not) become, and because there are a lot of things I’ve learned about a lot of people and it never ceases to amaze me how complicated human beings are.
For the first time in a long while, I had a long dinner followed by a chat with some of the freshmen whom I’m particularly close to. I’ve not had dinner in hall for some time, and when I do it’s a rushed, solitary affair. So it was a real pleasure to just sit around and taaaaallllkk like we’re supposed to do in hall.
Most of us at the table just completed our drama project, so we were discussing the highs and lows of that experience. I enjoyed it tremendously myself, but then ours was one of the less stressful plays. The freshman, on the other hand, had a tough time with her cast because she insisted on commitment and quality, both of which she felt were lacking in the rest of the members.
In between, we were trying to sniff out scandals in hall, and I remarked offhand that I found so-and-so hot. Why not, I mean, if someone’s hot just come right out and say it. Unfortunately I got shot down for my lack of taste. Boo. Well I do admit that I have rather strange tastes regarding the hotness of males - I’m not an aesthetically-driven person. I do, however, have frighteningly good predictive validity when it comes to the guys’ future prospects. Looking back, the ones I captured as well as the ones who got away have now gone on to bigger and better things, while I’m still… muddling around. As someone pointed out, “But he’s your EX!” Past tense. And it’s probably because they ended things with me, that they were able to move on to glory. Hooray, date me, dump me and you’re set for life. I don’t mind, actually - that might just be the perfect ecological niche for someone as commitment-averse as I am.
Anyway, I realised that I’m disgustingly obvious when someone has caught my eye. But then I wasn’t trying to hide it anyway. Someone dished the dirt on someone else, and said to me privately, “I’m telling you this because I know you’re interested, and…” it’s in my best interests, really, and I do appreciate that. I’m socially impaired, but my information-gathering skills are quite impressive. Hehe. In the long-ago past, I wouldn’t have stood for someone saying anything against the target of the moment - I would have defended them. But now, I realise that you really do want to hear the negative things, in order to form a clearer picture instead of some rosy idealization. So of course I would hold nothing against the informant. Whistle-blowing policy, eh?
I heard a lot more gossip that’s not really relevant, but I just like hearing it. It’s not malicious gossip - I dislike malice - by gossip I meant peeks into other people’s personal lives. Get off your high horse and admit that we’re all voyeurs. Personally speaking, there are things I don’t mind people saying about me, that I would never say myself, and that would be gossip, but not the mean kind. The social world of Homo sapiens sapiens is so ridiculously convoluted and multifaceted, and yet we can still navigate it by means of these complex cognitive mechanisms that Piaget postulated i.e. Theory of Mind and perspective-taking. In other words - I know that you know that I know what you didn’t want me to know.
This post is all over the place, because dinnertime conversation tends to be all over the place - that’s what makes for a great mealtime. If I wanted focused conversation, I would go for a conference or something.
But I originally started this post intending to reflect on SIX, and so I shall. It’s been great to take the stage again - call me attention-seeking, call me shameless, but performing is in my blood. Perhaps it’s because I don’t even have a concrete idea of who I am, that I take on other personas so well. I’m going to miss my crazy castmates, although I’m sure they’ll be glad to be free from my ear-splitting shrieks (dude, it’s in the script!). I’ll miss the camaraderie from being part of something so huge and yet so personal - it’s like a feeling that we’re all in this together, and though you may not be in my play, I recognize you as a fellow artiste, a comrade in arts. The drama scene in Eusoff being what it is, it feels good to find some kindred spirits. It helped that many of them, like me, are dabblers rather than true experts, so there isn’t a sense of being intimidated by “the good actors”.
I’ll miss being backstage, taking deep breaths while doing a quick mental runthrough of my lines. I’ll miss the tension of the moments before the curtain opens, and it begins. We engage the audience, put ourselves on the line and in the spotlight. All too soon, it’s over, and I re-enter the holding room to the surprised exclamations of “Back so soon?” and a mocking “boo”. Just like after Amplitude, I wind down in the holding room, and re-emerge after the interval. My friends are there, and it’s really nice that they came to watch, although I know it wasn’t on my account and the praises are glaringly lacking, but I did what I could and I’m happy with the results.
I wouldn’t have missed this for the world, and I’m glad I took on this commitment even though at times it drove me crazy in combination with all my other deadlines. I suppose it was a success, and I hope that’s enough impetus to spawn Dramafest 2008 - it would be a waste to let something with this much potential go to waste. But till next year, it’s time to give my inner thespian a rest, and plod on with my pedestrian life, littered with essays and tests.
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