Bohemia Bunny

The Funnerology Principle

Monthly Archives: January 2007

Paving the Road to Hell

After all, what are New Year’s Resolutions but good intentions, misguided though they be. What’s wrong with being fat, stupid, ugly and mean, anyway? Why must we lose weight, learn a new language, overhaul our wardrobe and be nicer to people simply because the Gregorian Calendar says it’s a new year?

Because I’m eternally optimistic, that’s the answer. Which is why I have the same list every year. One day, I might actually achieve something on that list.

  1. Lose my spare tyre
  2. Swear less frequently
  3. Be a nicer person
  4. Learn to drive properly

And new for this year:

  1. Pull up CAP (or at least stop it falling further)
  2. Find myself. I have a feeling this will be on the list for years to come.

Yup. Learning to drive is easy, I don’t see any problem. Losing weight would be easy if I just applied my willpower to it. I broke my swearing habit once before, I can do it again. It’s the being nice bit that will be a paving stone on the road to Hell. I’m not sure I’m actually a nice person at heart. So then the conundrum becomes, if being nice is not who I really am, then I’m thwarting my own journey of self-discovery.

This is why people stick to concretely defined, easily operationalized goals rather than have really fuzzy, abstract concepts of self and morality. But hey, if I’m going to hell anyway, at least I won’t be walking a dirt road.

Honesty is so not the best policy.

Yeah, I know blogthings are really lame, teenage and infantile, but a well-written quiz can really reveal new things to yourself. Or just bring certain subconsciously-known truths to the surface.

The Window Shopper
Random Gentle Love Dreamer (RGLDf) Loving, hopeful, open. Likely to carry on an romance from afar. You are The Window Shopper.You take love as opportunities come, which can lead to a high-anxiety, but high-flying romantic life. You’re a genuinely sweet person, not saccharine at all, so it’s likely that the relationships you have had and will have will be happy ones. You’ve had a fair amount of love experience for your age, and there’ll be much more to come.

Your exact opposite:
The Stiletto

Deliberate Brutal Sex Master

Part of why we know this is that, of all female types, you are the most prone to sudden, ferocious crushes. Your results indicate that you’re especially capable of obsessing over a guy you just met. Obviously, passion like this makes for an intense existence. It can also make for soul-destroying letdowns.Your ideal match is someone who’ll love you back with equal fire, and someone you’ve grown to love slowly. A self-involved or pessimistic man is especially bad. Though you’re drawn to them, avoid artists at all costs.
BEWARE: The Hornivore CONSIDER: The Gentleman, The Loverboy, The Boy Next Door

Link: The 32-Type Dating Test by OkCupid – Free Online Dating.

Ugh, the formatting sucks, but you get the idea. “Avoid artists at all costs”. Do they mean painter-types, or creative types in general, because it’s totally true that I adore broody, emo-boys who hide in their rooms all day writing noirish songs about the deep darkness that consumes their souls.

Oh. On the other hand, I see the wisdom of the advice. My rainbows-and-unicorns approach to life doesn’t really jive with depressive emo-ness. But who knows? I might just be the shot in the arm (not literally – I don’t endorse doing drugs) that he needs to lighten up a tiny bit. So, don’t care! Since when do I take advice from blogthings? Muahahaha.

Hot TamaleYou have an intellectual sexiness factor of 73!
You’re hot! You’ve read a lot. You’ve done a lot, and there’s a lot you’d like to try in the future. You’ve got a sharp, sexy mind, and few inhibitions to restrain you from exploring all the pleasure you can get. You have few hang-ups, and there’s not much you don’t know about sex. You’re open-minded and able to enjoy things that would make a lesser person squeamish.You’re an exceptional treat as a lover, appreciated greatly by those who know the difference. You were probably bored with a few of the people you’ve been with in your past, feeling like you had to drag them along with you in the sexual adventures you want to have, and probably dumping them for the same reason. It takes a lot to stimulate you; you realize it’s not just about bumping uglies. In the end there’s gotta be a lot more to it.Still, there is always room for improvement. Before you can graduate into a true sexual genius, there are a few things you’ve got to learn, to explore, to think through, talk through, and fuck through. A good place to start is in taking a look at the few things you’re still a little hesitant to try. Break down you’re last few barriers and discover the outer sexual frontiers, and you’ll become a master.

Oh, so it’s really all in the mind, after all. Hey, now I can defend myself by saying, “I’m not dirty-minded, I’m intellectually sexy!” Yay!

Sap- ESFJ60% Extraversion, 33% Intuition, 46% Thinking, 66% Judging
Aww…you know that sensitive mamsy-pansy sap I was talking about earlier? Yeah. Well, someone had to get it and you pulled the short straw. Now pull yourself together, crybaby.You are quite possible one of the most sensitive people I know and I don’t even know you! You care what each and every single person thinks about you. You’re the kind of person who sends around a txt to everyone they know saying “i thnk ur prtty. wat do u thnk abt me? rate me frm 1-5.”That’s 1 meaning “I hate you” and 5 meaning “You make me vomit when I look at you.” You’re still crying, aren’t you?Sure. All you want is for someone to appreciate you once in a while. Aww… Boohoo. Hold a pity party sometime. The garden’s free. Lots of worms down there. Big ones. Small ones. Squishy ones.My guess is you don’t understand this test one bit. You can’t imagine how anyone could be so insulting or why anyone could find it even remotely amusing…STOP THE DAMN WATERWORKS, WOMAN! Naive is a word that needs to be branded on your forehead… Alright, now I feel bad. Sure, you do have some redeeming factors, just not many. Sorry.*****************

Haha, I know there will be people looking at this and going, “Lynn? A pansy crybaby? NO WAY!” My sentiments exactly. This explains ESFJ traits in less negative terms, but there’s still some nasty stuff in there about being controlling and having no internal moral compass. But at least that would be more accurate than calling me a sap.

Exotic BoyYou scored 40% masculine, 41% athletic, 63% exotic, and 68% refined!
You are not into huge muscles and tough guy looks. You like the mysterious, exotic type that you could still bring home to mama since he takes good care of himself. You may want to try munching on someone like…….Michael Copon. But let’s face it, the whole point of this was to look at a bunch of hot guys.

Okay, so someone tell where I’m supposed to find exotic guys. What does exotic mean anyway, if I were in Kazakhstan I’m sure I’d be considered exotic too. Time to book that plane ticket to Astana.

MATH WIZLMFAO. YOU GOT 15 CORRECT.
Congratulations. You got a perfect score. You’re not an idiot. Do evolution a favor, and have a million kids. Alright? Thanks.

Okay, I took that maths test for fun. It’s simple, and there’s no reason why you shouldn’t get a perfect score as well.

And finally, saving the best for last, the Purity Test!

Uncorrupted
You are 88% pure!

I don’t know if this is a compliment or not. Unpleasant truths, to be sure. It’s all a matter of perspective, I guess.

So what do the above blogthings prove? Only one thing. Boredom and a broadband connection make for a dangerous combination in my hands, they result in lethally lame blogposts.