Chocolate in lieu of sex
In my opinion, single girls are the biggest consumers of chocolate. Not just literal consumers (all women are huge consumers of the elixir of the gods), but in terms of buying it, either for themselves or for others. Hah, you thought men would be the biggest buyers, right? Well, only once a year. Single women buy and eat chocolate all year round.
Do you even need me to tell you why? Doesn’t the title explain everything already? I love candies in all shapes and sizes and textures. Crunchy little M&Ms, gummies from Marks and Spencer, marshmallows, Kit Kats. But nothing beats the sensation of smooth, creamy milk chocolate melting in your mouth. Even better if it’s the sort with a filling inside.
I bought a bar of Cadbury Snack from Tangs the other day, because I was intrigued by the various fillings. I just had a Pineapple Square. Yumsies! Plain old milk chocolate can get boring if it’s not interspersed with other flavours, which is why I rarely buy the Dairy Milk variant. The last time I bought a family-size bar, it was Nestle’s Crunch, because I liked the crispy rice base.
My other favourite is Milka’s Strawberry Yoghurt, but this one is more like a soft kiss when compared to Cadbury’s. The Milka bar is smaller and thinner, so it doesn’t melt quite as much. On the sex-replacement scale, 1 being a peck and 10 being mind-blowing, it’s about a 4. A very interesting kiss that doesn’t really go further.
The Cadbury Snack would rate about a 7 or 8. It elicited such a strong response, I was surprised at myself. Probably because instead of nibbling it as I did previously, I was a glutton and popped the whole thing into my mouth. Judging by how much I enjoyed it, perhaps that’s the way to get maximum pleasure out of your chocolate.
I’ve yet to try really upper-crust brands like Royce, Godiva and Leonidas. In order to do them full justice, I have to educate my tastebuds first. Think of it as pseudo-sex education.
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