Cross one off the list.

July 12th, 2006 by lynnylchan under Comments, Humour and Leisure

I’ve found another job which I’m singularly unsuited for. Suicide Helpline counsellor. Don’t get me wrong, those helplines are great, and I think it’s cool that PostSecret prominently displays a hotline number. But in spite of my psychology education, I don’t think talking depressed people out of ending their lives is my calling.

In my usual superficial way, I arrived at this conclusion by way of a TV show, The O.C. The storyline involved this kid Oliver who was getting to be a nuisance of a third wheel between my darling pair of Ryan and Marissa. As the episodes roll by, it’s made clear that this dude isn’t all he’s cracked up to be. Depression and a coke addiction are just symptoms of his mental illness. I’m pretty sure he has a personality disorder as well, but I don’t think they have a disorder called “manipulative shit disorder” yet. He does smack a bit of borderline personality disorder because he gets totally overinvolved with a person, to the point of someone getting a restraining order against him.

I don’t know if they exaggerated for the sake of good tv, but this character totally pisses me off. Apart from trying to steal Marissa, the little shit will, in front of others, slap himself while exclaiming how much he hates himself for being the way he is. Man, if I were there, I’d just sit and watch him hit himself, cos that’s so passive-aggressive. Yes, I know I am an uncaring, heartless bitch. Someone who makes Ryan-and-Marissa drive 2 hours because he wanted to fake a drug overdose doesn’t deserve my sympathy.

Oh, and I think Marissa has the IQ of a sea anemone, because she’s so ridiculously blinded by her “friend” that she can’t see how warped he is. Man. If I had a friend who needed psychological help, I’d refer him or her to someone else. It’s so not worth extricating them out from their tangled web yourself, because you might just be caught up in there and then you can’t be objective.

So in the end, our buddy Oliver pulls a pistol on Marissa, and our hero Ryan bursts in and saves the day with his street smarts by talking Oliver out of it. Once Ryan opened his mouth I knew Oliver would live to see another depressed, borderline day. Ryan’s the hero, right, and they have to give him the good-guy-forgives-villain veneer. Gosh, I am so totally well-educated in soap operas. Score one for The O.C.

Yup, so that’s why I can’t work the hotlines. I have no compassion. I sure would make a great litigation attorney, though. *wink*