Bohemia Bunny

Emotional Blunting

March 18th, 2006 by lynnylchan under Humour

I love James Blunt. He’s a revelation. I can even forgive his nasally voice, because his melodic and lyrical skillz are awesome.

With that out of the way, I present to you, my rewriting of “You’re Beautiful”.

You’re Bloody Fat

My life is brilliant.
My love is pure.
I saw a hippo.
Of that I’m sure.
She jiggled every which way.
She was with another man.
And I thank God every day for that,
‘Cause I’m not that man.

You’re bloody fat. You’re bloody fat.
You’re bloody fat, it’s true.
I saw your ass in a crowded place,
And I don’t know what to do,
‘Cause I didn’t have space to move.

Yeah, she caught my eye,
As we walked on by.
She could see from my face that I was,
Gouging out my eyes,
And I don’t think that I’ll see her again
But I have an eyesore that will last till the end.

You’re bloody fat. You’re bloody fat.
You’re bloody fat, it’s true.
I saw your ass in a crowded place,
And I don’t know what to do,
‘Cause I didn’t have space to move.
You’re bloody fat. You’re bloody fat.
You’re bloody fat, it’s true.
There must be an angel with no eyes in her head,
When she thought up that I should be with you.
But it’s time to face the truth,
I will never be with you.

Disclaimer: James Blunt wrote the original mushy song, and I wrote this nasty snarky version. For the proper lyrics, visit JamesBlunt.com, don’t threaten me with legal action. I do believe parody and satire are safe from copyright infringement. If you have problems with me making fun of fat people, take your politically-correct ass somewhere else.