Bohemia Bunny

Yousucks, you really suck.

August 30th, 2005 by lynnylchan under Blogroll

I am beginning to hate hall.

I hate the implicit politics, the power struggles, the backstage manoeuvring that ensures the posts go to the chosen candidates even before elections or interviews are over. The elections are a formality, and the auditions are a farce because they already know who they want, and the rest of you are merely ‘living scenery’ in their documentation of hall life. They are remaking hall in their own image, and while they cannot eliminate you, they can neutralise you.

Screw the mentality of being Eusoffian. I was once a proud Eusoffian. I stepped up, I volunteered, I was willing to devote myself to the ideal of a hall. No more. I’ve come to a stark realisation.

It just isn’t worth it. Hall is nothing but a place to sleep, eat and shower. My time in hall will be fun, but ultimately non-essential and inconsequential. Who cares that I was in so-and-so committee during my university days? Who cares that we won IHG or that we took home the Shield 4 years in a row? Once you step out of its confines, you realise that hall is useless. And hence I shall not devote more time to it than the minimum required to retain my room.

I don’t deny that there are activities I care about. I do enjoy my Tuesdays at the Salvation Army. I do like going for bashes. But these are not unique to hall life. I could partake of these experiences outside. Ultimately, hall has nothing to offer my soul.

It would be so easy to say it has failed me, but this collection of red brick and cement promised me nothing more than a bed and a shower. It was not Eusoff, but the Eusoffians who failed me. I, too, have failed them. Because they see no value in me, and I see no point in conforming to their pattern.

The detachment is starting to creep in. No longer do I feel a part of Eusoff, rather I feel like an anthropologist tasked with the naturalistic observation of that peculiar breed of students. Screw them, from now on I’m doing what I, and I alone, see fit to do.

The moniker I gave them has come horribly true.

When I went down for the interview for Tech Crew, the PnP Vice-head called out to me and asked me to join. I thought perhaps he was joking, since I’m not really the creative type, which is what you need when you’re creating T-shirts, tickets, bash posters and banners. He said I was a diligent worker, but I didn’t want to be the only packhorse while everyone else was being creative.

But as I walked out of the hall, I just felt like turning back to talk to him. I waited a while for them to finish with one candidate, then I just sat down and talked, friendly-like. I’ve never done anything resembling PnP in my life, and I told them so. I said, “I don’t think I’m the kind of person you’re looking for.”

“Lynn,” he said, “do you know why I called you over? It’s because you’re exactly what I’m looking for. I know your character. I know you can work, and that you won’t suddenly disappear. I can’t have 10 purely creative types on the comm, work has to get done. And no, we’re not gonna leave you with all the work.”

I’ll probably go for the interview tomorrow, and see how lar. They’re not expecting many applications, but that doesn’t mean they’ll pick every tomdickenharry who comes along. It does make a difference, his reaching out to me. It makes me feel valued, and it makes me feel like I have something to contribute, that I’m not just there to make up the numbers.

I’d rather try something new where someone has faith in me, than continue in the same old thing where I had to fight my way in. Everyone wants to be wanted.