Sometimes Friendster breaks your heart

June 13th, 2005 by lynnylchan under My Life

I had a conversation with an old acquaintance just now, during which he informed me that his girlfriend was in NUS and asked if I knew her. I didn’t even know they were together, last I heard he was gaga over her but I thought it was just a phase. So, out of curiosity, I went to see his pictures on Friendster.

It was a bad idea. I ended up clicking on the link that led to a mutual friend of ours. I have not seen this friend for ages, we were really close in the beginning of JC life but we had a falling-out and I refused to have anything to do with him after that.

I had a look at his photos to see if he still looked like the same person from 2 years ago. He looks better, more confident and mature (and also he got contact lenses which may have upped the aesthetic factor). He even posted a picture of himself in a tuxedo attending a ball, with 2 ang-moh girls (not babes) flanking him.

It was then that I felt a small pain in my heart. It wasn’t jealousy, it was more like the pain of loss and wondering ‘what if?’ He didn’t look like that when I knew him. He didn’t look so polished, he was pretty nerdy and definitely not good-looking. I feel cheated. Why couldn’t I have been his friend when he was good-looking? Why did I have to get the short end of the stick?

Why aren’t we still friends?

But all that is beyond argument. I made a decision years ago with regard to our friendship, and I’ll live with the consequences. He may never regret that we fell out, and besides I’m not that much improved from when he saw me last.

There are so many maybes… Maybe we should have parted on better terms. Maybe I shouldn’t have been so stubborn. Maybe he shouldn’t have done this or that. But you can’t step into the same river twice, so.

I’m in a totally morbid mood today. Sorry.